Friday, December 26, 2008

Israeli Air Force: Best in the World!

For days Hamas has been firing low-grade rockets at Israel, that have caused no deaths or injuries and surprisingly no major property damage. Faced with one of the worst crisis of his administration, Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak met with his cabinet and top defense advisers.

Barak needed to assemble squadrons comprised of supersonic fighter jets, with cutting edge technology and a full payload of the most horrifying ordinance possible. Against these squadrons awaited the Gaza Strip, a 120sq. mile territory bordered by one neighbor that's walled-in its second class citizens to ensure a thorough killing ground and by another neighbor that fills its face with U.S./EU aid and pleads ignorance & indifference to the plight of the oppressed and to the memory of Gamal Abdel Nasser.

Barak grows pensive. Gaza has no organized army, no air force, no air defenses, and thanks to the Israeli-bankrolled Fatah bureaucrats working against Hamas - the territory could hardly be said to even have infrastructure to speak of.

Israeli pilots fly in, attack! Barak hopes that none of these fighters will come within range of Gaza's infamous Elementary Guard - a well trained militia of elite 9 & 10yr old rock throwers. Gaza is in flames, Hamas fires rockets. The numbers are in 200+ dead palestinians and 1 dead Israeli.

Barak is noticeably angry, he's slipping. In Sharon's day it would have been 2,000 dead palestinians for every one Israeli. Barak must now speak to the press, so he fights back the tears and promises to do better next time. He knows that if the people are patiet with him, that he too can deliver a performance like that of Ariel Sharon at Sabra and Shatila.

God Bless Israel, where every man is free to be himself (Offer may exclude men named Jesus & most Palestinians. The term freedom is for entertainment purposes only. Other terms apply, please obtain our 384pg. manual of exceptions and clarifications at your local walled-in, fenced around, barb-wired refugee camp for people illegally displaced for forty years).


Anonymous said...

Why didn't you discuss the 200 kassim rockets Hamas shoots into Israel everyday? Please give both sides of the story.

Christian Duque said...

Um...did you not read the very first line of the very first paragraph?

The IDF has a problem with PROPORTIONAL RESPONSES. Hamas 'started', but Israel achieves nothing by killing hundreds and walling off illegally displaced refugees for forty years, either.

Anonymous said...

What's the virtue of a proportional response?

Someone wants to shoot rockets at me, I've got no problem blowing those fuckers out of the water.

Justin Wooten said...

The trick is always the same: pretend this conflict has a history going back a week or so. Forget about the fact that any "ceasefire" agreement was never taken seriously, let alone complied with, by Israel. Let's act as if this all started with 200 rockets, instead of a devastating siege of Gaza by Israel. Gaza is a prison that houses 1.5 million people, who are subjected to the most horrific experiences daily by a racist, hyper-belligerent regime.

Anonymous said...

that's right bitch.

IAF ftw

Anonymous said...

I agree with 2:15. This it how Ben Dictor was handled. He threw some rockets and the retaliation was utter destruction.

Anonymous said...

Duque PLEASE stop changing your blog posts without making an edit mark. Also, stop changing the dates of your blog posts. Technology now-a-days makes in very easy to track changes over time to a website.

Anonymous said...

So how again did you blog about this before it happened?

Christian Duque said...

I subscribe to Mossad Weekly.