GIANT ENTRY TIME

Let's start out with....

UNITE @ La Casita & XS.......
I don't have found memories of that particular club...I remember Yagermeister & Red Bull, being dressed in drag, drunk, and then having to dance ballet for the Sigma Kappas. A good philanthropy chair does what has to be done. I had to clear that up b/c everyone always asks what's my beef with XS....I was traumatized....but really, what do you care, you're here for the RADIKAL's twisted, uncensored view of SG and by the LORD ON THE MOUNTAIN TOPS you're gonna get it.

So....let me clarify...I'm not Pro-SWAMP believe me, but the UNITE people are the only ones getting in the newspaper and that noticeably-extra-amount of publicity is actually working against them in my book, because it makes me write more critiques on what they're doing. Wow, excessive press can actually be detrimental..who woulda figured that!

(((1))) So...UNITE holds its first volunteer meeting not at the home of independent parties (the REITZ UNION) but at the Hispanic-Latino Institute aka LA CASITA....can anyone say RACIAL WAR? "But Christian how can you say RACIAL WAR when both candidates have at least one African American and plus one Hispanic American?" Well, let's not forget that ACCESS ran an African American presidential candidate and well known Hispanics like David Ruiz made comments on Jamal to the effect of calling him an 'Uncle Tom;' while others did the same without being caught at it, their opinions were publicly known. You see....it doesn't have to be a racially-heated campaign only if one party has one type of ethnic bloc and the opposing party has another, in an election like this one, we could actually, conceivably see ethnic blocs implode.

Let me be elaborate. I'm a type of guy that loves the House, I find Senate to be stuffy and I find its tone to be very formal and full of hollow pleasantries. The House reminds me of the House of Commons with all the yelling and belligerence. One group I especially love in the House is the 30'Something Group...if you guys do your hw you'll find out that one member of this righteously liberal group was a fmr. UF SG PRO TEM! Where am I going w/ this....well....the former paragraph may seem awfully scientific, most people would quickly dismiss anything beyond Greek or NonGreek.....Preppy or Freak.....when it comes to SG elections, but the people involved go onto the professional political circuit, the stakes are high, and the strategies are complex, so while my theories may border on the fringes of lunacy to you @ first inspection...I'm telling you that a lot of thought goes into these campaigns and every little intricate detail is their for a reason. I firmly believe there are some pretty serious implications w/ Boyles' first meeting being at a Greek house and UNITE's being at LA CASITA. I believe it sends out a very desperate message and if I'm correct on my presumption, this campaign will be a very, very dirty one.

(((2))) Campaign Photos - View The Report Card
http://www.ChristianDuque.com/ReportCard


(((3))) Progress Coup - I guess I've found out something that's been news for a month now, but Thomas Jardon (fmr. Impact President) is officially out of UNITE Exec! Question....how is it that the larger half of a coalition, so large that it retained its name for the merger, finds itself completely under the hand of the V.P. candidate of the smaller party? Why is the leader of the larger party abandoning ship due to difficult working conditions and the 2nd in command of the smaller party usurps him and the others? I have to be honest here, I knew of Allison Cullin, I knew of that Meyrowitz person (apparently out of UNITE Exec. as well), but I happen to have worked with Thomas Jardon and while the kid's a Republican (that's really sad), he's a good guy and a strong leader, I respect him ya know....but I mention this only b/c my friends in UNITE kept and continue saying "there's good people involved with UNITE?" Well if that's true, who are they? (And if it's not understood, that same "who are they?" is for SWAMP as well).

(((4))) Platform Review Time:

SWAMP goes first:

Ya think you could have used a smaller text?..SHEESH! I can hardly see the words on this page.

Create a 24-hour café on campus
That's cute. No study center, just a nice corporate shop to charge $5 for coffee all night long.
No Thank You.

Increase campus field lighting to aid student recreation
Recycled Issue

Install medicinal (Tylenol, Advil) dispensers in Reitz Union restrooms
Not Free I'm sure. Don't put Triple C's or Sudafed or you might have some stoned senators.

Improve safety on campus through increased coverage of emergency Blue Lights, better lighting and courtesy phones in Residence Hall Areas

GOOD GRIEF! Really Recycled Issue

Advocate to temporarily suspend open container laws on campus for Football Game Days

FUCKIN A!!! =o)

Increase the capacity and services available through WebMail
sounds pretty damn vague but sounds promising


Provide funding for extended Baby Gator hours and satellite child-care centers
BABY GATORS is the magic word. UNITE says help for the children, SWAMP knows the name of help for the children. IDK, =o)


Proactively increasing diversity of involvement in SG within cabinets and agencies such as Accent and SGP
HAHAHAH...AEPi & Theta Chi...change it...and they'll make you die.


Establish liasons between the Career Resource Center and Academic Departments
Sounds good...students do need jobs after college...


Work with the Gainesville community to bring discounted rates to student rates for cable, internet and professional exam review prices
IDK if that's do-able, but hey, that sounds pretty good.

Stop city attempts at raising towing rates
You have no authority there....who's the assbag that put this here?

Support state legislative initiatives to make textbook purchases tax free
Was UNITE trying to say this? Well..they didn't, so, I guess good job again for SWAMP.

Create an Asian American Center and an Asian American Affairs Director
YOU MORONS....this is a good issue...why didn't UNITE include this?!


Make necessary structural repairs to La Casita and the Institute of Black Culture
Boring, Old, Dusty Minority-Milking Issue

Demand more female and minority faculty members at UF
Good Issue, make sure to put in for blonde ex-cheerleaders too.

--------NOW FOR UNITE----------

End promised positions. Unite will create a culture change of inclusiveness for all students.
You are so full of it right now that I'm not even going to comment. MVP...

Reduce Cabinet's size to promote efficiency and accountability within the Executive Branch.
Blah. Did Joyce Medina get this done? I think it was mighty gutsy of her to even try, good work, even if I didn't vote for you. Good work. but um back to UNITE....every party promises something like this, look at Access, Jennifer Pucket decreased Cabinet by 2 spots then increased it by four...cabinet is what a winning president gives his losing senate candidates it's the way it works...you can't try to change it and even if you do, you'll fail. Welcome to real world politics.

Establish organizational diplomats whose sole purpose is to facilitate organizations' programs.
Boring, additionally it sounds like more bureaucracy.


Create a student-friendly Reitz Union. Fully automate meeting room, banner, and table reservations via the Reitz Union web site
This sounds like it should have been re-worded to "create a more sg political party-friendly-Reitz. Which scenario sounds better:

(A) "Hey Susie, hey Jim let's not go clubbing tonight, let's go to the reitz, rent a room, get a table, and play with each others banners!!" LOL

or

(B)"Hey Susie, hey Jim let's skip the clubbing for tonight and go over to the Reitz. They've got free movies and thanks to those cool SG Kids, the GAMEROOM is now free for students too!

Think about it. Answer B was the correct answer by the way and it's got a good idea in there, can you find it?

Improve student childcare facilities
Is Sally Struthers workin with you guys? I like SWAMP more on this one.


Ensure 24-hour access to the new Library West Study Center

I don't like SWAMP's cafe idea, but this Library option vaguely resembles a 24hr study center...
in which case that's an old-ass recylced issue. Is James Argento workin with you guys? J/k I love ya James.


Lobby for friendlier textbook policies to save students money. With cooperation of Faculty Senate, limit new textbook editions to every two years.
You must be on crack...did the Faculty Senate ever get back to us on limited grade forgiveness?We should contact poor Heather Cumming on that, she worked like crazy on that bill, it finally passed Student Senate but I doubt anything ever happened with it in FS.

Lobbying for the protection of private studying resources such as TutoringZone's SmokinNotes and Einstein's Notes
Ummm..let me go to my workout gym clothes bin.....I have a hunch about something...
Riiiiight...ya know...I can't tell you how much CLASS radiates from y'all right now. Tutoring Zone appears on the back of the Spring '05 Impact t-shirt...I really hope this company doesn't appear on the UNITE shirts as well. Either way this minor coincidence sounds kinda sketch...an SG party fighting for the survival of a formerly-named sponsor.....I know there's a lot of Republicans in UNITE but did any of them work for Team Abramoff, just curious. LOL


Reduce SG administrative budget by eliminating promotional items
Like the awesome planners students get? What so you can usethe money to televise yourselves online, sounds a little vain to me. For some students all they see out of their $600 A&S Fees are those planners and you're going to take them away? FUCK THAT! (Ya like that word don'tcha Jared, lol).


Improve training and clarify roles of Assistant Treasurers
This sounds like....strip them of power and do away with post.I like the AT position, I think it adds something more to the Treasurer'sOffice and I think it makes for better productivity from that particular office.

Before SG officials look to reduce organizational budgets, SG will reduce its own budget wherever possible.
This sounds odd to me. SG's budget is A&S Fees, split in roughly thirds to Reitz,SW Rec,& student orgs...this is kinda like the lsat preps...so if you're going to reduce the budget but not from orgs then you must be talking about reducing funding to either the Reitz or SW Rec? Otherwise just what are you talking about?


Proactively address poverty in East Gainesville utilizing the combined resources of the Cabinet, service student organizations, and the City of Gainesville.
What?! How can you put this into your platform, I mean how could a cabinet or even a college SG address the socio-economic shortcomings of a historicallydowntrodden community? This has got to be the cheapest platform initiative I've seen in years, I only hope it's at least well-intentioned, because it's absolutely absurd. It's a great way to milk African American votes, but it's cheap and it's absurd as well.


Extend availability of free printing to all CIRCA labs
Nice thought, but too expensive given all of your other promises. (Same goes for SWAMP)
Also heavily prone to abuse, in my humble opinion.


Establish Internet Online Voting. Students will save approximately $20,000 per election while maintaining voter privacy with a minimum number of on-campus polling locations.

It's a referendum issue, kinda redundant to still have it on a platform. What if the students vote no on the referendum, but vote for UNITE.....does that mean you'll go against their wishes and still implement O.V.? Credit will be given where due, I'm sure most students can deduce that UNITE's people were OG's of Online Voting, but take it off your platform, it seriously looks redundant. Key word here: REDUNDANT.

Grades:

SWAMP: B/B+
Good job, a few spots you could have done better and there's a piecemeal bullcrap factor. LOL

UNITE: C/C+
Your platform leaves much to be desired, you've forced me Mr. Anti-System to give the goldfish crackers and the yellow star stickers to SWAMP.